Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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