I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
