she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
