the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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