I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
