Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
