ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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