I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You took a bar mat shot.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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