no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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