My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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