I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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