Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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