Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
