my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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