i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
