who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
