i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
