I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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