It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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