I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
