I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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