it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize