dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
