Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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