Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
