Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
