I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
