Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
