my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
