I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
