I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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