So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
