Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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