His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize