We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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