get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
