She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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