Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
