I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
