He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
