A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
