That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
