Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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