You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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