What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
