Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
