She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
