Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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