If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
