I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i drank out of a bidet.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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