At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
