Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
