i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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