She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
