sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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