don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
