Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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