like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
