I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
