Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
