Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
