please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
