how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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