I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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