if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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