Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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