My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
