Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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