You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
