some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
