Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
