Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
