I want to make a zoo with you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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