i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
