I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
