Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
