so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
