Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
