on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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