If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
